Things My Mother Taught Me

Things My Mother Taught Me
My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done – if you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.
My mother taught me logic – if you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.
My mother taught me foresight – make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.
My mother taught me about the science of osmosis – shut your mouth and eat your supper.
My mother taught me about contortionism – will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck.

My mother taught me about hypocrisy – if I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!
My mother taught me humour – when that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.
My Mother taught medical science
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
My Mother taught me ESP…
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”